If you’re jumping over from my Instagram post, you kind of know where this story started.
If you don’t, let me do a quick recap.
I went to the psychiatrist a few weeks ago in which she diagnosed with me Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
It’s something I never thought was an issue.
I honestly thought everyone struggled with body image.
When explaining my behaviors and how often I think about my weight, I realized how consumed I actually am.
I’ve previously discussed my issues with my weight, but I tend to mask how truly bad it is, and has become.
(I think a lot of people do this because of societies views on mental health, but I truly want to be honest and up front about what my life is like.)
I pick apart everything about myself, both figuratively and literally.
I pick at my skin A LOT to get rid of things that I conceive as imperfections.
I’ve cried in my closet multiple times.
I avoid mirrors.
I attempt to avoid pictures, and when one is taken I try to hide myself.
I’ve taken it a step further and now hate shopping for clothing, something I used to LOVE.
This obsession has become so dark and so consuming that I have stopped enjoying my life.
Being told that I’m struggling with Body Dysmorphic Disorder has really made me step back and realize just how bad I’ve truly let this monster become.
I’ve started seriously working with my therapist on this, and no longer allowing myself to brush it under the rug.
(Your girl is really good at this, if you can’t tell lol)
I’ve also been put on medication that helps combat the extreme anxiety that I tend to have.
I also started writing positive thoughts and putting them everywhere in my house.
(The amount of post-it’s is so real)
It has started to really help me, and combat the negative thoughts.
This post isn’t about trying to gain sympathy, or attention or anything like that.
Lili Reinhart(aka Betty from Riverdale) said it best when she said:
“Mental illness gets worse when people say that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do, you may not understand someone’s insecurity—but respect it.”
This post is about being open with people who read my blog, because let’s be real my life isn’t all about shopping or decorating my house.
I also wanted to write this just in case someone out there is also struggling, wondering if they’re the only one.
This is real.
This is my life, and this is what I struggle with DAILY.
Am I here to put a shiny pink bow on BDD?
This ish is HARD.
Trust in the fact, that a few weeks ago, I was sitting there like what the hell…. nobody is going to understand this at all.
But you’re not alone.
Just know that you are strong, you are beautiful, and that you are amazing!
(I literally have this written on my mirror as a reminder)
If you are struggling and want someone to talk to who has walked in your beautiful shoes before, reach out to me.
We can talk it out, girl!